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Airplane Buzzes Lower Manhattan, People Freak the Fuck Out!

April 27, 2009


The good people over at Gawker are suggesting that Louis Caldera–the so-called “White House Military Office Director”–should be stripped of his duties for allowing a decoy version of Air Force One to zip around Lower Manhattan as part of a photo op. No fair! The little stunt only created a hubbub because New Yorkers are now really, really afraid of airplanes — almost as if they’ve had bad experiences with them in the past.

What other benign occurrences accidentally remind fragile New Yorkers of the September 11th attacks?

  • Unseasonable sunshine and azure skies
  • Tattoos that read “I <3 Beards”
  • Adorable dogs that happen to have been trained to sniff out cadavers in rubble
  • The ides of September
  • The similarities between Public Enemy’s “911 is a Joke” and all those “911 was an inside job” stickers plastered to every light pole
  • One bearded street vendor who looks exactly like Mullah Omar — but doesn’t make kefke kabobs with the same gentle touch
  • The warm, hearth-like glow of a skyscraper on fire
  • Jewish coworkers mysteriously not showing up to work on Yom Kippur
  • Obama bin Biden
  • Crowds of people jovially screaming and running towards Pink Berry
  • The giant cackling hologram of Dick Cheney that rises from the barren crater of Ground Zero once a year to feast on the city’s collective evil energy
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