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Meme Alert: Media Rivalries!

March 12, 2009

cramer

It  in the immortal words of Mash Out Posse: “Act like you want a confrontation.” Whether it’s the lecture/debate tour (coming to a vomitorium near you!) that pits Anne Coulter against Bill Maher or the roiling brouhaha between Jon Stewart of “The Daily Show” and Jim Cramer of “Mad Money,” it’s all about public cross-ideological bickering. After all, it generates publicity, calcifies supporters, and changes the opinions of exactly no one. Who else stands to benefit from similar tiffs?

  • Sean Hannity vs. The Monstrous Man-Eating Bear from  Werner Herzog’s Grizzly Man. The FOX pundit points out that the bear is a tax cheat and a deadbeat dad, but the 10-foot grizzly defends himself as a “rugged individualist steeped in the tradition of Teddy Roosevelt” and counters by ripping out Hannity’s lungs.
  • John Kruk vs. The Monstrous Man-Eating Bear from  Werner Herzog’s Grizzly Man. The beer-bellied former Phillie and current “expert” on ESPN’s “Baseball Tonight” offers a harsh critique of the Alaskan predator’s “will to win” and poor performance in the clutch when swatting salmon out of the river. The bear points to his excellent VORG (value over replacement grizzly) numbers and ecometeric worth (being that his yearly salary is paid in raspberries) before mauling off Kruk’s one remaining testicle.
  • Sanda Lee vs. The Monstrous Man-Eating Bear from  Werner Herzog’s Grizzly Man. The hostess of Food Network’s “Semi-Homemade” chastizes the bear for his failure to include frozen Swanson pot pies and Yoplait Sweet ‘N’ Briny Yogurt Fishsticks in his daily diet. The grizzly rebukes her accusations by reeling off a long, tiresome spiel about the value of being a locavore and how the plentiful dumpster-diving in Jellystone Park proves the abhorrent wastefulness of consumerist culture. Sanda Lee braises his spleen and tops it with Cheeze Whiz.
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