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Scrapped Ideas for Lindsay Lohan’s Spray-On Products.

March 11, 2009

lohan

Before settling on frumpy tanning spray, the chemists toiling their nights away in Lindsay Lohan’s basement laboratory (despite the dangers presented by the noxious fumes spewing from her 200-lb tandoori oven) invented a number of revolutionary aerosol products. Here are a few:

  • Peruvian White: Emerge from a fresh powdery residue cloud without a trip to the Gold Bar bathroom.
  • Peach Fuzz Nervosa: Fruit-scented eau de toilette that leaves downy lanugo on the arms and chest.
  • Malibu Sunset: Industrial-grade pesticide (warning: will kill and/or blind insects, small mammals, sickly children and Tara Reids within a seven-foot radius).
  • Salsa!: Feel the ritmo of Latin America with this tropical-inspired bronzing agent (available in Gypsy, Turk and Swarthy Grecian colorways).
  • The Shuffle: An instant lightening lotion for when Salsa! eliminates the wearer from starring roles in major motion pictures.
  • Olde FiiSch: Old fish.
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One Comment leave one →
  1. March 12, 2009 12:47 am

    She is so adorable in that movie with Jamie Lee Curtis, Freaky Friday. It was a fun movie to watch. But, in real life, lordy almighty, she needs to be institutionalized. Her products? I think I’ll pass. To use her spay-on stuff, I might as well go to Home Depot and get myself a gallon of Dutch Boy Dark Chocolate Ecstasy and spay paint myself.

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